Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
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I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
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Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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