i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize