YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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