I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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