how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
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the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
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These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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