After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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