just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize