dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
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Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
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I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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