The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
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you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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