just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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