You smell like stripper and shame
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize