yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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