The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
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The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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