Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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