so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
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I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
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I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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