when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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