I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
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Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
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I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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