So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
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Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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