It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
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Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
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We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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