I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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