I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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