I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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