Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
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dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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