I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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