Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.

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(803): I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer. http://tfl.nu/7z73

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.

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(724): I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car. http://tfl.nu/2u4v

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(912): View more from Georgia

This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.

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(912): This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face. http://tfl.nu/ozn3

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(530): View more from California

Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.

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(530): Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed. http://tfl.nu/pk0q

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.

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(484): we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed. http://tfl.nu/819f

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better

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(902): Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better http://tfl.nu/2vo6

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship

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(401): Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship http://tfl.nu/zpw1

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs

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(414): Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs http://tfl.nu/zuhx

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(305): View more from Florida

Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water

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(305): Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water http://tfl.nu/p9in

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.

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(978): I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened. http://tfl.nu/wamv

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.

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(403): Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon. http://tfl.nu/v8j0

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself

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(843): I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself http://tfl.nu/cqdr

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(740): View more from Ohio

I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.

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(740): I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs. http://tfl.nu/ltie

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...

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(307): I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will... http://tfl.nu/d1km

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.

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(201): Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics. http://tfl.nu/mn0a

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