ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
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I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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