Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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