And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize