if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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