textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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