I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
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