Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize