I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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