why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize