Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Someone signed my nipple.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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