Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize