Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize