I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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