I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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