I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
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my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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