After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just high enough for therapy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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