Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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