Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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