Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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