I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
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Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
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I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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