Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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