You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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