he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize