she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
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Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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