At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
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I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I have post one night stand depression
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